16 September 2013

Weekly Digest of a Certain Baseball Team: Superstitious Edition

By Joe Speaker
Los Angeles, CA

I once wrote a blog post about how awesome Trevor Cahill was and how he was defying the BABIP people and the power of the sinker and he was just a young talented kid who was getting better.

At which point, he immediately went to shit.

So don't think for a second that I am going to mention who is leading the AL West and by what margin. Or certain players on a certain team who seem to have found their strokes just in time. Or what transpired over the weekend deep in the heart of Texas.

We can talk about how much Ryan Cook sucks right now, though. Just throw the ball, Ryan. Stop thinking.

I completely and totally understand your reaction. Why does this insignificant fan think he has the ability to alter universal gyrations and/or the whims of the Baseball Gods by writing positively about a baseball team, one you may have noticed I haven't even mentioned yet?

I don't. Not really.

You can't be too careful, though, amirite?

Like, were certain teams to advance to the post-season, I would not--theoretically--watch any of those games at my Mother's house, which I've been forced to do on two other occasions due to familial obligations and have found the team I support to be left wanting in those games, both Game 4s, where they were out-scored to the tune of 20-4 by other teams in major league baseball.


I don't just carry this feeling about my own team. I remember an acquaintance celebrating the Rangers World Series in win in 2001. He was popping virtual champagne all over his Facebook page with six outs to go in Game Six and I thought, "what a fucking idiot. You Do Not do that shit. Ever!" My own brother is guilty of this. In 2002, he rang up our Mom late in Game Six and said, "I can't believe the Giants are going to win the World Series!"

I mean....have you people never....I don't understand you.

So, until certain things happen--or don't--milestones which may or may not occur and may or may not set off dog piles and Bud Light showers, you won't hear anything from this quarter. Nothing. Not even a shot at a certain Southern California-based team in the AL West who spent a bunch of money to finish third. Again.

Nope. Not from me. Go team.

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